Just returned from a seven week trip to Maine and I returned with a renewed list of things to make even the staunchest “Mainer” laugh out loud. Give me a moment to catch my breath and I’ll be back with some real winners.

I guess it is a natural occurrence although the educated believe that forcing the integration of unnatural things makes us better people – bullshit!!!

Take for instance Maine. Maine used to be made up of strictly, fiercely independent thinking, stubborn, mule headed, native Mainers. Now there is a blending together of outside resources, i.e. the flatlander and the weirdoes.

The flatlanders have been infiltrating the borders of Maine for some time and there are now pockets that more closely resemble portions of Taxachussettes than “Maine the Way Life Should Be.”

Now, we have an influx of weirdoes stampeding the toll booth in Kittery to get in here. What’s the attraction? I just don’t get it. I could understand why the highly educated don’t come – they ain’t smart enough to understand the Maine way. But the weirdoes? And why do Mainers put up with it?

While traveling about in Maine the past couple of months, my wife and I discovered something we think is only unique to Maine – poverty due to ignorance. We were on a day trip traveling about and ended up in Skowhegan where we had planned to stop and get something to eat. Being that we are now members of the “jet set” of Americans, we seldom carry cash anymore because it is so easy to use a debit or a credit card – unless you are traveling in Maine.

We stopped at countless eateries between Skowhegan and Farmington and could not find anyone who accepted credit cards. One place said they wouldn’t trust them credit cards but would be glad to take our personal check.

Holy shit, Batman! I wonder if these are the same people to be first in line to gripe and complain because they can’t make a living trying to run a business in Maine.

Personally, I think it is their way of keeping the flatlanders out.

I ain’t foolin! If you haven’t seen the story, you’ve missed out on perhaps the most bizarre episodes know to mankind. A Maine man was caught down inside an outhouse, wearing a raincoat. He was in there to peep on women coming in to use the facilities. Can you imagine. This took place over in New Hampshire. The local authorities said they treated the situation the same as though they were treating hazardous waste.