Will Ignorance Rule the World?
I am fearful that it has already happened. Take this morning for example. While doing my errands, I first entered a bank (bank withheld to protect the stupid bastards) to get two rolls of quarters – those are the round metal disks we use for almost anything with a slot in it.
I stepped up to the teller with a big smile and a “Good morning” on my lips. She asked if she could help me.
“Could I trouble you for two rolls of quarters this morning?’ I responded.
“Don’t got none!” was the reply.
DON”T GOT NONE!!!! Huh? What? I must still be in bed dreaming about Maine not going to sell non-resident hunting licenses anymore.
“Excuse me, ma’am! This is a bank isn’t it?” I asked in my nicest cynical way.
“I’ll have to go out to the vault and buy some for my bank,” she retorted.
“I’ll wait!” I came back now getting angry.
Oh, well! I left there and traveled over to MacDonald’s – yeah I know but I wanted to get my grandson some gift certificates for his fourth birthday. He ain’t fat yet like his grandfather so I want to make sure he gets that way soon.
As I stepped up to the counter, I espied a rack with plastic, credit card type gift cards and an ad banner staring at me. I asked the girl working behind the counter, who could barely speak any English, are these what you now have for gift certificates?
“Jess!” was her answer. I assumed that meant yes.
I don’t like this sort of thing and let me explain. I like the paper coupons worth $5.00 each. Then if you give, as was what my plans were, $20.00 worth, the little grandson would be getting four presents from his Grampie and Grammie – I don’t want to come off as cheap you know. We have to compete with those other grandparents.
Another thing that bothers me is this is introducing a little four year old to a credit card. These gift cards look just like a nice credit card. It’s almost as pretty as the plastic card you get with food stamps.
But worst of all, my fear that the card will not work. At least the paper one had written right on it how much it was worth. Now you have some idiot who can’t speak English getting you a gift card that you don’t know whether it will work or not.
“I would like a $20.00 gift card please,” as I handed the girl a twenty dollar bill.
“Sorry, sir! No guts a twenty dollar one.” she so eloquently responded. “We guts jess five, ten, twenty five and fiffy.”
Trying not to lose my patience and jump over the counter and take some unsuspecting McFlurry hostage, I said, “Then I’ll take a $25.00 gift card, please.”
The girl took the card and began punching buttons and swiping it once, twice, three times and pressing some more buttons. She walked over to another woman. They both conversed in Spanish for a moment and then returned to the cash register. The second woman, in a warm reassuring way said to the first woman, “Me dunno. Not dun one fore.”
I was comforted to say the least. Eventually, they both disappeared and returned with a young man, who could speak English, and happened to be the manager.
As I waited, he walked them both through the procedures for activating a gift card and then handed me my card and thanked me. I couldn’t leave it alone.
“Why can’t I get the exact amount on a gift card as I want – like $20.00?” I asked.
“We only sell 5, 10, 25 or 50 dollars cards.” he replied.
I commence to laugh uncontrollably and headed for the door but I just wasn’t ready to leave. I had to subject myself to just a little more abuse.
“Do I have to spend the god damned thing in 5, 10, 25 or 50 dollar increments too? Would you run this through your machine just to make sure that it has been activated and activated for $25.00.” I pleaded.
“Huh?” was the comeback. “I gave you a receipt.”
I laughed and I laughed and I laughed and I laughed – all the way to my car.
Posted on 23rd August 2005
Under: General | No Comments »