Betcha didn’t know Andover had an old folks home! Well, they do and there are two old ladies in there that have been friends since their days at Andover High School, class of 42.

As most of us know and it’s something that we really don’t like to think about, sometimes these old folks homes can get a bit regimented. It’s not so much the fault of the home itself as it is the people who reside there. They insist that everything happens at the same time everyday. If that varies, they can become very upset.

Well, Bertha and Mabel play cards everyday at 2:00 p.m. Yesterday was no exception. After having played for about 30 minutes, Bertha stopped and began staring at Mabel. Finally she said, “Honey, I don’t want you to get mad at me. I can remember that you and I are friends and I know where we are but for the life of me I can’t remember your name.”

Mabel looked up from her hand and began to stare back at Bertha. She did this for at least 3 minutes. Finally, she replied to Bertha and asked, “How soon do you need to know?”

It was a beautiful Wednesday afternoon. Otis had made his rounds around town making sure everybody had everything under control. He decided it was time to wander over to the Town Common, make sure the bandstand was in fine shape and take up a perch on one of the benches in the shade. “Golly,” he thought. “I might even take a nap.”

After checking out the bandstand, Otis decided his favorite bench on the far back corner would suffice, after all, he could keep an eye on what was going on at the town office and see if any newcomers arrived in town.

But on his way, he passed an elderly woman he reckoned he didn’t really know. She was sitting on his second favorite bench sobbing her eyes out.

“What’s wrong with you, lady?” he asked.

“I have a 22-year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.” she sobbed.

“But why are you crying so?” asked Otis once again.

“He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.” she continues to wail and Otis is completely puzzled.

“That all sounds wonderful, lady,” replied Otis, “But it confuses me as to why you are so upset that you’re crying like this?”

“For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.” the sobbing was obnoxious.

“None of this makes any sense to me, lady!” Otis exclaimed, coming to the end of his patience. “I’m going to ask you one more time, why are you crying so?”

“I can’t remember where I live!”

Old lady Simmons died unexpectedly. At the funeral the pall bearers where carrying the casket down the church aisle heading for the hearse. Otis and Gabby were on opposite sides of the casket as bearers, when Gabby tripped on the carpet making the casket bump into the wall. At the same time, everyone heard a loud moan coming from inside the coffin.

Once outside, they set the coffin down and opened it only to find out that old lady Simmons was alive. She lives another ten years.

But after ten years, she passes away again and so her husband and family have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pall bearers gather around both sides of the casket to carry it down the aisle. That’s when old man Simmons stepped up and said, “Boys! Whatever you do, make sure you don’t run into anything!”