Otis was sitting on the steps of the Gazebo on the Andover Town Common the other day when Gabby showed up. Looking mighty depressed he said to Otis, “Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , ‘pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land’”.

“How did you know about that, Gabby?” inquired Otis.

“I think my mother told me that a long time ago and for some reason I now remember it,” answered Gabby. “And she also told me that nearly 75-years ago, Roosevelt said, ‘Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the Promised Land’”.

“Whoa! Gabby!” retorted Otis. “What’s up with you today? Are you alright?”

Gabby emotionally replied, “I heard yesterday on the news that now Obama has stolen our shovels, taxed our asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land. I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, Savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and all that stuff that I really don’t know anything about. I got so depressed I called Lifeline, the suicide help line.”

“Geez, Gabby!” said Otis. “Are you alright? Did they help you? I didn’t know all this stuff bothered you so.”

“I don’t think so, Otis!” answered Gabby. “I got a call center in some place called Pakistan. I had a real hard job understanding what they were saying. They talked real funny you know.”

“What did they say to you Gabby?” quizzed Otis.

“I told them I was suicidal. I told them everything I was seeing and hearing on the news was all just too much for me.” said Gabby. “I told them I didn’t know anything about all those things but that it was all bad. I said I can’t take it anymore and I just wanted to commit suicide!”

“Oh, my God! Gabby! I had no idea you were so upset by all this stuff,” said Otis. “Did they give you some good advice?”

“Well,” hesitated Gabby. “I really don’t know. The person I talked with seemed like really all excited because I was suicidal and asked me if I could drive a truck.”