This newspaper notice might possibly have come right out of the Bethel Citizen newspaper. Lots of animal lovers over that way you know.

This is a list of questions asked by tourists at the Banff National Park Information Kiosks. Too Funny!!
Yes, they’re ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!
1. How do the elk know they’re supposed to cross at the “Elk Crossing” signs?
2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
3. Tourist: “How do you pronounce ‘Elk’?” Park Information Staff: “‘Elk.’” Tourist: “Oh.”
4. Are the bears with collars tame?
5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?
7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?
8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today — could you tell me what it was?
9. Are there birds in Canada?
10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?
11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?
12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?
17. What’s the best way to see Canada in a day?
26. Don’t you Canadians know anything?
27. Where do you put the animals at night?

I just couldn’t resist this. Can you imagine that people say this woman and her husband are the cream of the crop when it comes to educated intelligence.

Otis and Gabby were hanging out over at Marston’s Garage, when Ms. Emery, the blond bombshell who taught school at the Andover Elementary School came in the front door.

Gary was busy replacing someone’s chrome muffler bearings and crawled out from under the car.

“Whatcha need?” he asked.

“I need a new 710 thingy,” Ms. Emery said.

Gary stood there for a minute looking totally perplexed until he finally couldn’t stand it anymore, “What the hell’s a 710 thingy?”

With that Gabby got up from his favorite seat and said, “Sometimes Gary I wonder if you got enough brains to get in out of the rain. Everyone knows what a 710 thingy is.”

“Then tell me what it is!” yelled Gary.

With that Gabby walked over to the car Gary was working on. The hood was open and Gabby pointed in to the “OIL” cap and said, “Right there!” to which Ms. Emery concured.

Otis went over across the street to get an ice cream. The reason he went really was to see the new girl the owner had hired just to sell ice cream. Anyone who knows Otis, knows he wouldn’t spend a red cent on anything, no less and ice cream.

He got over to the counter and asked the girl as he eyed her all over, “What kind of flavors do ya got?”

Very politely the girl says, “Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.” And just then she tried to clear her through and patted her chest and throat area.

“Oh, do you have laryngitis?” asked Otis.

“Nope,” answered the young girl. “Only vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto Wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?”
The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars.”
“What that tell you?” asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, “Astronomically Speaking”, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What’s it tell you, Tonto?”
Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, “Kemo Sabe, you dumber than buffalo shit. Somebody stole tent.”

That once in Otis’ life that he actually worked was painting a house for old Art Meader over in South Andover. When Otis had finished the job, Meader wrote him out a check for his work and handed to Otis.

Then Art says, “And Otis, because you did such a good job painting my house, here’s another $50 cash. Take the misses out to supper tonight.”

Away Otis went. At about 6 o’clock that night, Art Meader heard a knock at his door. He opened the door to find Otis standing there.

“Did you forget something, Otis?” asked Meader.

“No.” replied Otis. “I’m here to pick up the misses!”

Otis and Gabby were walking down the road one day looking for something to do. Hard to believe isn’t it?

Suddenly, as Otis and Gabby came around the corner, they saw an indian laying in the middle of the road face down with his ear to the road.

“Look, Gabby,” said Otis. “That indian hears something. All indians can do that. They get down on the ground and listen.”

They got up to the indian and the indian slowly stood up and says, “Big red truck. Pulling camper trailer. Dog in back. Man, woman and two kids in truck.”

“Wow!” says Gabby. “You can tell all that just by listening to the ground?”

“No,” said the indian. “Just got run over by big red truck about half hour ago.”

Otis went to the bandstand looking for Gabby but he wasn’t there. He went to Mill’s Market but he wasn’t there. He went over to Marston’s Garage and he wasn’t there either. Finally, Otis went to Gabby’s house and found him standing the the back field, hands in his pockets, staring up toward the sky.

“What in hell ya doin?” asked Otis.

“Oh, just waitin,” replied Gabby.

“You coming into town today?” asked Otis.

“Nope,” answered Gabby. “Gotta wait.”

Disgusted with Gabby, Otis headed back to town. The next day, Otis repeated himself looking for Gabby. Not at the bandstand, not at Mill’s Market and not at the Marston’s Garage. So Otis headed back out to Gabby’s house once again. When he got there, Gabby was still standing outback in the middle of the field with hands in pockets and staring up toward the sky.

“What in the name of God are you doing, Gabby?” asked Otis.

“Just waiting,” was Gabby’s rely.

“Waiting for what?” asked Otis.

“Just waiting,” he said. “The other day I heard on the radio that they was gonna award one of them Nobel Peace Prizes to someone “outstanding in their field”!”

Gabby was walking home one night, when he was attacked by a mugger. Gabby fought the mugger for all he was worth. It really was a close fight but because Gabby is so fat and out of shape, in time the mugger got the best of Gabby and got him down on the ground and sat on him.

The mugger went through all of Gabby’s pockets and managed to come up with 25 cents. “Geez, this is all you got is a lousy 25 cents?” asked the mugger. “Why in the hell did you fight me so hard for 25 cents?”

“Is that all you wanted?” asked Gabby. “I thought you were after the twenty bucks hidden in my shoes!”