This newspaper notice might possibly have come right out of the Bethel Citizen newspaper. Lots of animal lovers over that way you know.

It was less than one year ago that we heard the world would end soon if we didn’t stop farting. Cows and other wild animals were mostly targeted as it seemed “fartlically” incorrect to point out the natural necessity of humans expelling unwanted and mostly enjoyable gas. In short, farts were contributing to global warming and by God something had to be done about it.

I have said numerous times before that if you just wait a few months, a new study will prove an old study obsolete. As we all know, studies prove that studies can prove anything (studies proved that).

But hold onto your holy methane Batman, scientists not only have found a good use for farts that might indirectly save the earth, they’ve discovered a way to create “man-made” farts. Oh, wait a minute. That doesn’t make any sense. I make my own farts therefore they are man-made.

Let’s try this again. Science has discovered how to make artificial farts and with that discovery they think they might be able to burn the fart gas to create useful energy. We just need some kind of microorganism to pull it off. I wonder where they’ll get that? Maybe Al Gore’s got some of them “inconveniently” stashed around his “green” mansion.

Hey, where have these guys been. Man has been making farts, naturally of course, since the beginning and God only knows how long we’ve been burning them – you know under the sheets at home first before attempting it at a college frat party. I never did think it impressed the girls much.

But all kidding aside (NOT), MSNBC, one news source that has more hot air than any other, is reporting on this friendly fart find that might just finalize the frivolity in fussing over farting for nothing but fun.

I better end this.

I really didn’t want to post this because I like the Patriots and Coach Belichick.

You know, once in a while I come across a news headline in a newspaper or online that makes you laugh or have something SMAAHT to say. Well, I got both today. Here’s the headline at the Portland Press Herald online newspaper.

Man to serve 13 years for murder in Houlton motel

Now of course you got to ask yourself how bad can it be in Houlton, Maine? I’ve been to Houlton a couple a times in my life but I never stayed in any motel there. Or a hotel or a bed and breakfast, for that matter. Once I stayed at a campground in Presque Isle, or as I heard Al Roker on the Today Show call it, Preskee Isle, but never had the pleasure of staying overnight there.

All I can say is it must be real bad there or this one motel is real bad that someone has to spend 13 years in that motel because they killed somebody.

I just received the official word that spring is on it’s way in Maine. Forget about the infamous Punxatawny Phil to determine when spring will arrive. Maine has the Mud Runts.

Gary Inman of Albany, Maine sent this photo via super-fast hyper speed email, as a breaking news alert.

HEADLINE READS: Just wanted you to know that the “Mud Runts” have appeared–a sure sign of spring. This little beauty is about eighteen inches long, and looks well after a long winter under the snow!

Note the receding snow line!

The Humble Farmer, Robert Skoglund, has decided to modernize from his MPBN broadcasts and team up with the Maine Web Report for weekly podcasting. This press release came from the Maine Web Report.

Searsmont Maine, March 13, 2007- Maine Web Report, a citizen journalism website that features original reporting and commentary on Maine issues, has begun online distribution of the popular radio show, The humble Farmer.

Robert Skoglund, aka, The humble Farmer, has been entertaining his radio friends in Northern New England and Canada for nearly 30 years. His blend of “old fashioned” music from the 1930s and 1940s and wry humor is now heard by audiences in Florida and New Mexico over traditional airwaves, and this partnership seeks to expand that audience beyond the bounds of radio.

“I am honored to have the opportunity to work with The humble Farmer, and hope that with the program now online new friends will jump at the chance to listen,” says Lance Dutson, publisher of Maine Web Report. ” Mr. Skoglund, hailed by the Boston Herald as ‘New England’s Answer to Garrison Keillor,’ is an international treasure whose work over the years has been essential in preserving Maine’s unique identity. Skoglund claims that anyone with an IQ over 100 who listens to three complete shows will be hooked for life, and we are about to put him to the test.”

You can visit Skoglund at www.thehumblefarmer.com where you can hear recent humble Farmer shows, produced in his barn in St. George, Maine. The humble Farmer sees the partnership with Maine Web Report as an exciting way to bring his humorous observations on everyday life to a new appreciative audience.

Dutson states that the continuing growth of the internet as a mechanism for news and commentary distribution is important for free speech. “Traditional media, like radio and newspapers, often succumb to political pressure as a survival mechanism, and this can mean that important voices are sometimes stifled. The egalitarian nature of the citizen media movement means that more people can get more opinions from more perspectives than ever before, which is what democracy is all about.”

Skoglund also states that the continuing growth of the internet as a mechanism for news and commentary distribution is important for free speech. “Traditional media, like radio and newspapers, often succumb to political pressure as a survival mechanism, and this can mean that important voices are sometimes stifled. The egalitarian nature of the citizen media movement means that more people can get more opinions from more perspectives than ever before, which is what democracy is all about.”

The humble Farmer denies accusations that he copies most of the material for his shows from the Encyclopedia Britannica or any other source.

You can now enjoy The humble Farmer in podcast format on Maine Web Report. New shows are produced on a weekly basis whenever humble can get around to it and can be savored by you — at your leisure — at www.MaineWebReport.com or www.TheHumbleFarmer.com.

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. Auto makers for the past 5 years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV’s in an effort to determine in fatal accidents the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 42 of the 50 states the recorded words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, “Oh Shit”.

Only the upper section of Maine, specifically Caribou, Presque Isle, Fort Kent, Madawaska, Houlton, Mars Hill, Van Buren, Clayton Lake, and the entire northwestern area including Rangeley Greenville, and Eustis were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were:

“Hold my beer, I’m gonna try something”