You see this here fella was riding by the Rumford Zoo one day on his Harley Davidson motorcycle. He glances over in the direction of the zoo and sees a young girl standing in front of the lions cage and reaching her arm inside the bars toward the lion. Quicker ‘n you could say, “Gol dang it!”, that lion grabbed that little girl’s arm and a regulation tug-o-war commenced.

The biker dude went into a half slide, done a 180 and came back to help. The girl’s parents were in shock and could only stand and scream as the biker jumped from his bike and ran as fast as he could to help the girl. He ran to the cage and faster ‘n bear eatin’ hornets could shake his head, that biker dude reached through the cage and busted that lion smack square in the nose.

The lion released his grip on the girl and staggered back a step, giving the biker enough time to yank the girl out away from the lion.

The Harley rider passed the girl back over to her parents who fell all over themselves thanking the leather clad dude.

As fate would have it, there happened to a newspaper reporter right nearby who opted to stand back and gawk rather than pitch in and help. The reporter came over to the biker and said, “That was one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen any human being do!”

“Awe, shucks!” said the biker dude. “It was nothing.”

The reporter, being that his first care was getting a front page story, told the biker that he was going to write about this in the paper and would like some information. So he says to the Harley rider, “What’s your name, what do you do for work and being that the times we live in are trying, everyone will want to know if you have any political preference one way or another.”

The biker replied, “Well, my name is Bill and I’m a United States Marine. It just so happens that I’m a proud republican as well.”

The next day, when the Rumford Times comes out, the story made the front page. The headline read: “U.S. Marine Assaults African Immigrant, Steals His Lunch!”

Arthur Crumpler was running for the Maine Legislature. Andover is one of the small Maine towns in his district and so he thought it would be a great opportunity to visit the Olde Home Days festivities and do some campaigning. He also brought along his dog Balducci and his favorite old dog house; he named it the Bland House.

What Crumpler didn’t realize was that when the citizens of Andover go to the Olde Home Days, they bring all the family members and that might also include a few pet chickens.

Crumpler was most noted for being a shiester and being such he thought he’d best fit in as a politician. He set up a table on the common and placed his dog, Balducci, and his dog house next to him.

As you can see from the video (not a pretty sight. I’m warning you!) Balducci learned from his master the art of seducing a citizen into voting for him. As you will see his tactics are subtle at first, almost playful. You get distracted some but eventually you start to think maybe this will be alright. The next thing you know, you’ve been pulled aside and harsher tactics are being used to convince you of your vote.

But as is most often the case in politics, once you figure out what happened, it’s too late. You’ve been screwed.

GM (Government Motors) is proud to introduce the car of the future, the brand new 2011 Obummer.

This car runs on hot air, bull-shit and broken promises. It has three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left turns.

Notice the side teleprompters; computer programmed to provide you all the right words to say when being pulled over by the police.

You may see one of these beauties, a product of wealth sharing and government controlled industry, in the Andover Olde Home Days parade.

The judge reviewed the case and sentenced Otis to 7 days of community service. Otis asked the judge what it was that he was going to have to do. After some discussion, Otis revealed that in another life he used to cut a little hair for a living. Well, being that the Andover barber, Mr. Fox, was away on vacation for two weeks, the judge thought it would be a great idea to have Otis sit in as a barber while Fox was away.

On Monday, Otis opened the shop and waited for customers. Later that morning the local florist showed up for a hair cut. When he was done, he offered to pay for his haircut but Otis told him he couldn’t accept money because he was doing community service.

The next morning when Otis opened the shop, he found a thank you card and a bunch of flowers awaiting him.

Shortly thereafter, the constable came in to get a haircut. And he too offered to pay Otis for the haircut but he reminded the constable that he was performing community service.

The next morning when Otis opened the shop, he found a thank you card and a box of donuts waiting for him.

Later in the day, State Representative Carter from down in Bethel was passing through and thought it would be a good chance to get a haircut. When Otis had finished with Carter, he offered to pay Otis but Otis explained the haircut was free because he was performing community service.

The next morning when Otis arrived to open the shop, he found 18 members of the Maine House of Representatives standing in line waiting for a free haircut.

“How did you know about that, Gabby?” inquired Otis.

“I think my mother told me that a long time ago and for some reason I now remember it,” answered Gabby. “And she also told me that nearly 75-years ago, Roosevelt said, ‘Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the Promised Land’”.

“Whoa! Gabby!” retorted Otis. “What’s up with you today? Are you alright?”

Gabby emotionally replied, “I heard yesterday on the news that now Obama has stolen our shovels, taxed our asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land. I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, Savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and all that stuff that I really don’t know anything about. I got so depressed I called Lifeline, the suicide help line.”

“Geez, Gabby!” said Otis. “Are you alright? Did they help you? I didn’t know all this stuff bothered you so.”

“I don’t think so, Otis!” answered Gabby. “I got a call center in some place called Pakistan. I had a real hard job understanding what they were saying. They talked real funny you know.”

“What did they say to you Gabby?” quizzed Otis.

“I told them I was suicidal. I told them everything I was seeing and hearing on the news was all just too much for me.” said Gabby. “I told them I didn’t know anything about all those things but that it was all bad. I said I can’t take it anymore and I just wanted to commit suicide!”

“Oh, my God! Gabby! I had no idea you were so upset by all this stuff,” said Otis. “Did they give you some good advice?”

“Well,” hesitated Gabby. “I really don’t know. The person I talked with seemed like really all excited because I was suicidal and asked me if I could drive a truck.”

Here is some hand sketching, combined with some Microsoft Draw, I did several years ago to depict Clyde and his prized sow pig. I hope you enjoy.